Serpentico Releases Press Release For Historic AEW Dark Victory

Life is full of rare events that only happen once in a while. UFO sightings, a Canadian team winning the Stanley Cup, a good Superman movie, the release of a Guns N’ Roses album – there’s a chance you’ll see them one day, but it’s unlikely . And yet, let’s not lose hope, because last night something even wilder happened on “AEW Dark”: a victory for Serpentico.

Yes, the AEW star hit the payout window last night for the first time since Oct. 5, 2021, beating luchador and noted ‘the man who looks remarkably like Juventud Guerrera’ Vary Morales in yesterday’s ‘Dark’ evening. The win was not only Serpentico’s first of 2022, but gave him around one victory more than great rival Jon Cruz has during the year. And as you might expect, Serpentico issued a press release celebrating said win.

The press release stated that “Serpentico aka SNAKEMAN aka SNAKE Daddeh” would now go by the moniker UNDEFEATEDMAN, in honor of his unbeaten run since last week. He then issued a series of executive orders and demands he felt owed due to his victory, which included that fans no longer be allowed to boo him, a traveling bus with every known video game console in the world. man, a revival of the K-Mart hypermarket, the banishment of Nyla Rose from Twitter, Chaos Project Luther teammate now known as Lord Luther, airport carpets being replaced with something more eco-friendly, Satnam Singh joining Chaos Project and the unification of all titles AEW by Serpentico, thus making him the “Elden Lord” of AEW. No word on Tony Khan’s reaction to said executive orders.

At this time, Serpentico is not scheduled for tonight’s “AEW Dynamite”, Friday’s “AEW Rampage” or AEWxNJPW: Forbidden Door this Sunday at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois, despite their historic win. Thus, one can only speculate on the next brave soul that will face the UNDEFEATEDMAN.

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